My co-worker and I were recently discussing our work. We often
see more pain then we do progress. We witness addiction and co-occurring tearing
families apart, making people feel as if they are less than others, stripping away
hope, and convincing people that recovery is hopeless. Sometimes I go home,
cry, and wonder if I really want to, or am able to do this work.
But I continue.
I continue because I
have the unique opportunity to see the good in people that most of society has
written off. I continue because I constantly am able to help people see the
strength in themselves. I continue
because although difficult at times, it is also incredibly rewarding and
inspiring to see how people can overcome seemingly endless despair to find
happiness and maybe even peace.
I recently shared my experience with an eating disorder to
someone. The decision to have the conversation was triggering and the quality
of the conversation was extremely triggering. After the conversation, I learned
that she took the conversation a completely different way than as an attempt to
open up and connect and I was very hurt and mad. Instead of viewing the conversation as a gift
and something to learn from , this person viewed it as a personal attack.
But I continue.
I continue to share my experience in hope that people be
more aware when making jokes about eating disorders or mental health. I
continue to be proud of how I can use my lived experience as a way to empathize
with other people who struggle. I continue to use this experience as a way to
further understand the difficulty, and ultimate strength, that it takes for
someone to share their mental health struggles openly.
There are days that I feel like I’m a failure. Every single day I have to consistently maintain
the level of balance that I have found to be beneficial to me-not too much
focusing on food but not too little, not too much exercise but not too little,
not too lax about the kind of food I eat, but not too strict either. It’s exhausting and frustrating. A client of mine once said some that resonated
with me. She stated, “I’m tired of being in recovery. I want to be recovered”. I feel ya sister.
But I Continue
I continue to combat these irrational thoughts tirelessly
because I know that every day that I combat them, it gets a tiny bit easier. I
continue to work to maintain my balance and celebrate those days because I know
that those days are little successes. I
continue because although I sometimes get tired of being in recovery, one day I
will be recovered.
I continue.
Truthful, passionate, inspiring, painful, hope. I felt all of these. Continue on...
ReplyDeleteThank you. Your openness is beautiful.
ReplyDelete